Wow! I haven't written in a long time! I think about it often. This blog has been theraupeutic for me, but I've been so busy that I haven't had time to write. Many of my imagined posts have involved the Ping and the Pod (insulin pumps) that have been warring for our affection for the last few months. Both have won battles, and there have been days that I have been ready to claim a victor. Tonight, however, I'm still not sure of the winner. So that story will have to wait for another night. This one will be a ramble just to get past the block of the first post.
Kaitlyn blood sugars are doing great! She hasn't had "high" blood glucose since diagnosis. She was a little concerned about a 143 Tuesday night after getting hit in the head with a softball. It left a scary dent in her forehead, so I took her to the ER. Despite five kids, I've taken my kids to the ER three times. 1. When the nurse at church told me too when Will fell out of a swing. 2. When the doctor sent Andrew to the ER at diagnosis. 3. When Kaitlyn was hit Tuesday night. She checked out okay, and they didn't even diagnose a concussion. She looks and feels better. I still feel a dent though.... As far as diabetes goes, I think she/we have worked through the grief stage. I, at least, don't think I'm in denial of what will come, but, realistically, what she's dealing with isn't what we know as diabetes. She checks her blood sugars, and they're always great. I want it to stay that way a really long time!!!
What I didn't see coming was how seeing her normal BGs make me feel like a failure with Andrew. I'm not only fine, I'm happy with a fasting BG of 120 for Andrew. If it were Kaitlyn, that would be horrible! I think I've stepped backwards emotionally in handling diabetes. Don't get me wrong. It's better than the beginning because I don't think about diabetes every minute. In between, our life is peaceful and joyful. There are days too that diabetes doesn't get any more attention than a neccessary inconvenience. Then it a second, it takes your breath away again. I hate diabetes more today that I hated it at the beginning. I hate what it does to my boy. I hate that I can't fix it. I can't even regulate it well. I'm tired of poking him. I'm tired of seeing him high and low. I'm tired of worrying about complications that may come if I don't do a good enough job helping him now. Or complications that might come even if I do everything right. I'm tired of the stories that I didn't write here. The pod failures, the dex graphs, the bad baseball low, the forgotten diabetes bag, the swim party with friends....There are far worse things than diabetes, but I'm just tired and see no end in sight. I think I have "diabetes burnout"!
One unwritten post would have told the story of Andrew participating in a research study to see if patients with type 1 for over three years still make any of their own insulin. Andrew does not. Those who do still make some of their own have fewer complications and usually lower A1c's. Bummer, but not a surprise. Andrew gets sick if his pump comes out in his sleep. We didn't really think he was making that much of his own insulin!
On a happier note, Andrew is actually doing great!!! He finished elementary school with all A's all the way through! He played travel baseball this Spring, and his team won the state tournament!!! He is growing well in every way, and is headed to middle school this Fall!
