Monday, May 31, 2010
Headed off to camp!
We are headed off to family camp for diabetes tomorrow! Gene will stay here with Grace, our new black lab puppy, and Ben, who isn't old enough to participate in most of the activities. Please pray for Ben and Gene to have a sweet time here at home! I don't think Ben will understand why Mom & siblings have disappeared. I have explained it to him & that we will return, but it is bound to be confusing. Hopefully, the rest of us will have a safe journey & a good time. I'm off to pack!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
"Depression Day"
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
The kids learned to sing this verse in VBS last year. My goal with Depression Day wasn't to embrace depression, but to acknowledge it, give it to the Lord, and try to deal with our emotions in a healthy way. The whole act of planning the day helped just because it was so silly. Here is how we spent our day:
After the other kids were at school, Andrew made a list of things he hates about diabetes (Sorry, but I don't have permission to share it). Then we made our bowls of ice cream (with lots of insulin of course) & sat down to watch Facing the Giants. It's hard to think of movies that make 9 year old boys cry, but this one usually does. He didn't cry this time, although he said that his "eyes were wet during most of the movie". I cried. It's not really a sad movie. It has great themes about nothing being impossible for God & praising God during the good times & the bad. By the time the movie was over, we were both finished with pretending to be depressed. My mom's car broke down the day before, so we took her home to get some things & to the store to get groceries. We got Andrew a new bat because his was too short & he was missing all the outside balls. Then we took Granny & Ben home & headed out just the two of us. Andrew wanted to go see Diary of A Wimpy Kid. I wasn't a fan, but Andrew liked it.
Other than the ice cream with the morning movie, Andrew's meal requests for the day were bacon & eggs for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch, and chicken cracker casserole for dinner. They were all high in fat, but none of these foods are really restricted from his diet! One of the initial triggers had been the week after Easter when he wasn't able to eat candy when other kids could. I had said we could break some of these rules once a year, but not regularly. He almost forgot to ask for candy until we got to the movie theater. I didn't want to pay their prices, & I was hoping he'd forget, so I put it off until after the movie. He didn't forget, so after the movie, I stopped & let him pick out some candy. We took his BG & bolused for a ton of carbs before going into Wal-mart. Then I took my time shopping before we bought the candy. We calculated the difference in carbs & bolused for the rest. I didn't care that we got in the slowest checkout line - I wanted that insulin to start working before he started in on the sour skittles! We stopped at the batting cages before he could finish his candy & broke up his eating a bit. All in all, it wasn't his best BG day, but it was a great day in every other way. He can only have one of these days a year (school is important too!), but it was good to have some special time together, to admit that this disease stinks, but to resolve to do our best and enjoy life anyway!
The kids learned to sing this verse in VBS last year. My goal with Depression Day wasn't to embrace depression, but to acknowledge it, give it to the Lord, and try to deal with our emotions in a healthy way. The whole act of planning the day helped just because it was so silly. Here is how we spent our day:
After the other kids were at school, Andrew made a list of things he hates about diabetes (Sorry, but I don't have permission to share it). Then we made our bowls of ice cream (with lots of insulin of course) & sat down to watch Facing the Giants. It's hard to think of movies that make 9 year old boys cry, but this one usually does. He didn't cry this time, although he said that his "eyes were wet during most of the movie". I cried. It's not really a sad movie. It has great themes about nothing being impossible for God & praising God during the good times & the bad. By the time the movie was over, we were both finished with pretending to be depressed. My mom's car broke down the day before, so we took her home to get some things & to the store to get groceries. We got Andrew a new bat because his was too short & he was missing all the outside balls. Then we took Granny & Ben home & headed out just the two of us. Andrew wanted to go see Diary of A Wimpy Kid. I wasn't a fan, but Andrew liked it.
Other than the ice cream with the morning movie, Andrew's meal requests for the day were bacon & eggs for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch, and chicken cracker casserole for dinner. They were all high in fat, but none of these foods are really restricted from his diet! One of the initial triggers had been the week after Easter when he wasn't able to eat candy when other kids could. I had said we could break some of these rules once a year, but not regularly. He almost forgot to ask for candy until we got to the movie theater. I didn't want to pay their prices, & I was hoping he'd forget, so I put it off until after the movie. He didn't forget, so after the movie, I stopped & let him pick out some candy. We took his BG & bolused for a ton of carbs before going into Wal-mart. Then I took my time shopping before we bought the candy. We calculated the difference in carbs & bolused for the rest. I didn't care that we got in the slowest checkout line - I wanted that insulin to start working before he started in on the sour skittles! We stopped at the batting cages before he could finish his candy & broke up his eating a bit. All in all, it wasn't his best BG day, but it was a great day in every other way. He can only have one of these days a year (school is important too!), but it was good to have some special time together, to admit that this disease stinks, but to resolve to do our best and enjoy life anyway!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
First Scheduled Diabetes Depression Day
I've attached an article from expert Joe Solowiejczyk on why he schedules his diabetes depression days. I heard Joe speak a year and a half ago & he told us about this. I'm not sure that Andrew has really cried about having diabetes since the hospital when he asked "How long will it take to go away?" or , "Am I going to die?" until a couple weeks ago. He is tired of the constant pricking, counting, injections, etc., but he is mostly tired of being left out even though we work so hard at it not happening and having to answer so many questions (mostly to new baseball teammates). So we decided to schedule our first "Diabetes Depression Day". He looked at the calendar & chose this Wednesday, May 5th. He is actually excited about it! Here is the article: I copied from http://www.animas.com/connect/insulin-pump-experts?topic_id=19
I schedule my "diabetes depression" days! By Joe Solowiejczyk
Yup-that's right, I schedule my diabetes depression days! I've had diabetes for 48 years now and I've learned that getting depressed about having it is just part of living with it – successfully! I used to think that in order to consider myself as handling it "okay" I wasn't supposed to complain or let anyone know that I was having a hard time. And the difficulty I'm talking about is not anything specific, just tired or exhausted from always having to be on top of it and doing the "right thing."
Don't get me wrong – I don't walk around all the time feeling angry, sad or sorry for myself because I have diabetes. I absolutely love being alive and am grateful that I have diabetes and not some other condition that would be debilitating, and that would have prevented me from doing all the things I love to do – travel, cycling, camping, cooking and eating! What I'm saying is that managing diabetes on a daily basis, and managing it well is exhausting:
Checking my blood sugar
Counting carbs and bolusing,
Trying to make the right dose adjustments for corrections AND not overeating during those lows that we get late at night (you know, the ones where you say to yourself as you're walking to the kitchen at 1am that you're only going to have 1 cup of juice… you're only going to have 1 cup of juice… you're only going to have 1 cup of juice … and when you get to the kitchen, the Cap'n Crunch® grabs you by the the neck,throws you down to the floor and shoves 5 bowls into your mouth!) It takes a lot of time,effort and energy.
Yup-that's right, I schedule my diabetes depression days! I've had diabetes for 48 years now and I've learned that getting depressed about having it is just part of living with it – successfully! I used to think that in order to consider myself as handling it "okay" I wasn't supposed to complain or let anyone know that I was having a hard time. And the difficulty I'm talking about is not anything specific, just tired or exhausted from always having to be on top of it and doing the "right thing."
Don't get me wrong – I don't walk around all the time feeling angry, sad or sorry for myself because I have diabetes. I absolutely love being alive and am grateful that I have diabetes and not some other condition that would be debilitating, and that would have prevented me from doing all the things I love to do – travel, cycling, camping, cooking and eating! What I'm saying is that managing diabetes on a daily basis, and managing it well is exhausting:
Checking my blood sugar
Counting carbs and bolusing,
Trying to make the right dose adjustments for corrections AND not overeating during those lows that we get late at night (you know, the ones where you say to yourself as you're walking to the kitchen at 1am that you're only going to have 1 cup of juice… you're only going to have 1 cup of juice… you're only going to have 1 cup of juice … and when you get to the kitchen, the Cap'n Crunch® grabs you by the the neck,throws you down to the floor and shoves 5 bowls into your mouth!) It takes a lot of time,effort and energy.
Sometimes, the most sane thing to do is to just collapse! I think of living with diabetes as running a marathon, not a fifty yard dash. When you run a marathon your strategy is different from running all out. You have to pace yourself, know where the rest stations are, know when to slow down and take a break so that you can stay in the race.
That's where scheduling my depression days come in, part of overall "coping with diabetes" plan. In the past, I used to get upset and tired of waking up in the morning and, out of nowhere, feeling bad or sad or scared or angry about having diabetes. You know, it really messes up your day! So instead of having depression decide when it wanted to "get" me, I decided to get it – on my schedule! I decided to start scheduling my diabetes depression days. What I do is this:
I call several of my closest friends and tell them that next Tuesday, from 9am-2pm I'm going to be depressed about having diabetes and that I want them to call me, every hour, and tell me how courageous and inspiring I am in managing my diabetes, and how that they don't know anyone else who is as courageous as I am. At first they used to say "But Joe, you're telling us what to say, that can't really work for you!" And I would say, "Just call, that's how much I really need to hear it!" Now, they're used to it and they just say "Fine."
The night before, I go out and buy 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream - Fudge Swirl and Chocolate Cookie Dough - along with renting 5 DVDs. The DVDs are usually tragically romantic. My favorite, which gets a lot of play, is Lawrence of Arabia – big picture, large music, high adventure and really sad – the hero dies in the end! Totally gets those tear ducts working
The morning of the depression day, I call into work and tell them that I'm not coming in to work because I'm having a hard time managing my diabetes. They say, "Okay, we'll see you tomorrow"- it took me years to finally be comfortable with the reality that I could be having a hard time with managing my diabetes and not beat myself up over it!
Then, I check my blood sugar, take enough of a bolus to cover for half a pint, pick the DVD, decide to start with the Cookie Dough ice cream, and start my "depression day" or pity party as the movie gets started.
About 10 minutes into the "party" the phone rings; it's my friends Sue and Bob. I answer it and they say, "Hi, it's Sue and Bob. We're just calling you to tell you that we think you are so courageous and inspiring; the way you manage your diabetes is heroic!" I say, "Why, that's so sweet of you to call! Thanks so much. Listen, I've just started the movie and need to watch it. Would you call me back in about an hour and tell me the same thing again?"
I'll get a few more calls like this from my friends. I'm happy as a clam, lying there in bed in my pajamas, watching the movie and enjoying my ice cream and - guess what? - it's only 11am, but I'm bored with the whole silly thing and just pack the "party" up and move on with my day, feeling much better - about everything!
The cloud has lifted and I'm ready to move on with the rest of my day, and the rest of my life. I almost never last until 2pm!
I think it works for me because it's so silly and it turns the whole serious thing of living with diabetes upside down and on its head, that it feels like cracking a Zen koan. Taking it all the way to the absurd extreme just feels great and takes the sting out of it. It may not make any sense at all, but it totally does to me and, more importantly, IT WORKS!
You need to find out what works for you and do it! Just one serious suggestion: Whatever you do, make sure it's very silly! Silly works - especially with something as serious as diabetes.
I schedule my "diabetes depression" days! By Joe Solowiejczyk
Yup-that's right, I schedule my diabetes depression days! I've had diabetes for 48 years now and I've learned that getting depressed about having it is just part of living with it – successfully! I used to think that in order to consider myself as handling it "okay" I wasn't supposed to complain or let anyone know that I was having a hard time. And the difficulty I'm talking about is not anything specific, just tired or exhausted from always having to be on top of it and doing the "right thing."
Don't get me wrong – I don't walk around all the time feeling angry, sad or sorry for myself because I have diabetes. I absolutely love being alive and am grateful that I have diabetes and not some other condition that would be debilitating, and that would have prevented me from doing all the things I love to do – travel, cycling, camping, cooking and eating! What I'm saying is that managing diabetes on a daily basis, and managing it well is exhausting:
Checking my blood sugar
Counting carbs and bolusing,
Trying to make the right dose adjustments for corrections AND not overeating during those lows that we get late at night (you know, the ones where you say to yourself as you're walking to the kitchen at 1am that you're only going to have 1 cup of juice… you're only going to have 1 cup of juice… you're only going to have 1 cup of juice … and when you get to the kitchen, the Cap'n Crunch® grabs you by the the neck,throws you down to the floor and shoves 5 bowls into your mouth!) It takes a lot of time,effort and energy.
Yup-that's right, I schedule my diabetes depression days! I've had diabetes for 48 years now and I've learned that getting depressed about having it is just part of living with it – successfully! I used to think that in order to consider myself as handling it "okay" I wasn't supposed to complain or let anyone know that I was having a hard time. And the difficulty I'm talking about is not anything specific, just tired or exhausted from always having to be on top of it and doing the "right thing."
Don't get me wrong – I don't walk around all the time feeling angry, sad or sorry for myself because I have diabetes. I absolutely love being alive and am grateful that I have diabetes and not some other condition that would be debilitating, and that would have prevented me from doing all the things I love to do – travel, cycling, camping, cooking and eating! What I'm saying is that managing diabetes on a daily basis, and managing it well is exhausting:
Checking my blood sugar
Counting carbs and bolusing,
Trying to make the right dose adjustments for corrections AND not overeating during those lows that we get late at night (you know, the ones where you say to yourself as you're walking to the kitchen at 1am that you're only going to have 1 cup of juice… you're only going to have 1 cup of juice… you're only going to have 1 cup of juice … and when you get to the kitchen, the Cap'n Crunch® grabs you by the the neck,throws you down to the floor and shoves 5 bowls into your mouth!) It takes a lot of time,effort and energy.
Sometimes, the most sane thing to do is to just collapse! I think of living with diabetes as running a marathon, not a fifty yard dash. When you run a marathon your strategy is different from running all out. You have to pace yourself, know where the rest stations are, know when to slow down and take a break so that you can stay in the race.
That's where scheduling my depression days come in, part of overall "coping with diabetes" plan. In the past, I used to get upset and tired of waking up in the morning and, out of nowhere, feeling bad or sad or scared or angry about having diabetes. You know, it really messes up your day! So instead of having depression decide when it wanted to "get" me, I decided to get it – on my schedule! I decided to start scheduling my diabetes depression days. What I do is this:
I call several of my closest friends and tell them that next Tuesday, from 9am-2pm I'm going to be depressed about having diabetes and that I want them to call me, every hour, and tell me how courageous and inspiring I am in managing my diabetes, and how that they don't know anyone else who is as courageous as I am. At first they used to say "But Joe, you're telling us what to say, that can't really work for you!" And I would say, "Just call, that's how much I really need to hear it!" Now, they're used to it and they just say "Fine."
The night before, I go out and buy 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream - Fudge Swirl and Chocolate Cookie Dough - along with renting 5 DVDs. The DVDs are usually tragically romantic. My favorite, which gets a lot of play, is Lawrence of Arabia – big picture, large music, high adventure and really sad – the hero dies in the end! Totally gets those tear ducts working
The morning of the depression day, I call into work and tell them that I'm not coming in to work because I'm having a hard time managing my diabetes. They say, "Okay, we'll see you tomorrow"- it took me years to finally be comfortable with the reality that I could be having a hard time with managing my diabetes and not beat myself up over it!
Then, I check my blood sugar, take enough of a bolus to cover for half a pint, pick the DVD, decide to start with the Cookie Dough ice cream, and start my "depression day" or pity party as the movie gets started.
About 10 minutes into the "party" the phone rings; it's my friends Sue and Bob. I answer it and they say, "Hi, it's Sue and Bob. We're just calling you to tell you that we think you are so courageous and inspiring; the way you manage your diabetes is heroic!" I say, "Why, that's so sweet of you to call! Thanks so much. Listen, I've just started the movie and need to watch it. Would you call me back in about an hour and tell me the same thing again?"
I'll get a few more calls like this from my friends. I'm happy as a clam, lying there in bed in my pajamas, watching the movie and enjoying my ice cream and - guess what? - it's only 11am, but I'm bored with the whole silly thing and just pack the "party" up and move on with my day, feeling much better - about everything!
The cloud has lifted and I'm ready to move on with the rest of my day, and the rest of my life. I almost never last until 2pm!
I think it works for me because it's so silly and it turns the whole serious thing of living with diabetes upside down and on its head, that it feels like cracking a Zen koan. Taking it all the way to the absurd extreme just feels great and takes the sting out of it. It may not make any sense at all, but it totally does to me and, more importantly, IT WORKS!
You need to find out what works for you and do it! Just one serious suggestion: Whatever you do, make sure it's very silly! Silly works - especially with something as serious as diabetes.
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